Don't Panic

"In many of the more relaxed civilizations on the Outer Eastern Rim of the Galaxy, the Hitch Hiker's Guide has already supplanted the great Encyclopedia Galactica as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom, for though it has many omissions and contains much that is apocryphal, or at least wildly inaccurate, it scores over the older, more pedestrian work in two important respects.

First, it is slightly cheaper; and secondly it has the words Don't Panic inscribed in large friendly letters on its cover"

This is what you wanted, right? You there, I'm talking to you. Yes, you - the one with the maize and blue on. This is what you wanted for the past three seasons while you wailed from your (seated) position at the Big House for Carr to just retire already, right? That's what I thought.

And yet - here we are - with you saying things like "inexcusable" when talking about the very change that you wanted to see. Change that YOU called for, Mr. Michigan fan.

I know what you're going to say. You're going to ask me if it's ok to be mediocre; if it's ok to have lowered expectations; if it's ok to no longer be the leaders and best. No. It's not - and I don't think that anyone is suggesting that it is. In fact, the very people who are steering this ship are the people most upset. But here are the facts:

Your offensive line can't block
Your quarterback can't throw

When these things work in concert, these things happen:

Your bowl streak will, in all likelihood, end this season
You will, in all likelihood, lose to Ohio State again
You lose to a MAC team for the first time ever

And you know what? None of these things matter in the slightest. Oh sure, they'll go down on the record books, and Michigan FANS will lose bragging rights over other FANS, but since when does the fate of a program rest upon accolades that only FANS care about? It doesn't.

There is no offense that adapts to inaccuracy from a QB.
There is no offense that neutralizes a bad offensive line.

Rodriguez knows this. That's why he's running the damn zone-read so often. It's why he's forcing his system on these players who aren't adapted to run it. I-form slams into the line aren't going to work with this team - they're missing too many FUNDAMENTAL skills. Any attempt at making Michigan a competent offensive team this year will do two things:

1) It will fail
2) It will retard the improvement in the offense that Rodriguez was hired to run.

You want to know what happens when a coach is brought in to run a specific system, and not everyone buys in? Look at Auburn. Tony Franklin was brought in to run a system that had success at every level. When the coaching staff didn't buy into the program, the offense was not only a spectacular failure, but one in which there was no discernible reason for the failure.

I'll put it this way:

Michigan's offense is failing, but in so doing, they are gaining valuable experience for the future, because this offense IS Michigan's future. Auburn ran/is running a bastardized version of the Air Raid that sucks, and won't lend itself to ANY future improvements.

If failing truly gives you the opportunity to learn, then at least Michigan is learning something that will help them in the future. Auburn doesn't have the opportunity to learn from their mistakes, because they won't be running the Franklin/Tuberville bastard offense in the future. Their failures were for naught.

Rodriguez has jumped blindfolded and headfirst into shallow shark-infested waters. When he comes out the other side - and all evidence supports that he will - his team will be ready to fight. But right now, he - and all of us - are still in those waters, fighting for our lives.

So stop it, sir. Stop booing, stop stomping your feet like a petulant child calling things inexcusable and unacceptable. You wanted this change; you got this change.

"Those who stay will be champions" is bullshit and not applicable here. Those who stay will be pained, elated, tearful, truthful, ecstatic, angry, and joyful. There are no guarantees in life, and even less in sports. For myself, and Champ, I think we'll stick around to see how this ends, and not be such insufferable twits. For those inclined to call things unacceptable, boo 19-23 year old kids, or start raving about a lack of offensive direction or the deterioration of the entire program, I will not care if you cease to breathe.*



*Not applicable in real life

What did Michigan do to PO Gregg Easterbrook?

You know, for a guy who writes an NFL column, Gregg Easterbrook spends an inordinate amount of time talking about College Football and looking at space porn. A couple of questions:

1) When did it become en vogue for older columnists to creepily ogle cheerleaders? Forde does it with his "Dashette." Easterbrook does it with his cheerleaders of the week, celebrity shots, and world's hottest woman updates. It's weird and serves absolutely no purpose. If I want to look at hot girls, I can: I own the internet. Easterbrook and Forde both live on the internet, and haven't figured this out yet. I click over to ESPN.com so that I can read about sports - not to look at girls.

2) Does anyone actually read Easterbrook? His opening paragraph gets the dreaded "tldnr" from me.

3) What's with the space talk? There is a fantastic blog called "damn interesting" that details some of the crazy shit that goes on in the world, and looks at questions that are, frankly, awesome like "how long can you survive if you were jettisoned into space?" (spoiler: not long. not long at all.) Once again, I know where to click if I cared about space, particle colliders, or the various nebula's that make up our galaxy. I clicked onto ESPN to, and I can't stress this enough, read about sports. Stop it with the space garbage.

4) You write an NFL column. It's actually called "Tuesday Morning Quarterback." If it were a college football column, it would be called "Sunday Morning Quarterback" and you would be stomping on the feet of Matt Hinton, who is infinitely better than you in terms of content, style, and general "not being a douchebagness." In the latest TMQ column, you rail against those evil bastards at Michigan - putting in press boxes that will cost Joe Taxpayer millions of dollars. Just like the Colts did when they built Lucas Oil Stadium. Or the Yankees are doing with their new home. Or the Mets. Or the Univesity of Minnesota is doing with their entirely new stadium. Welcome to sports Mr. Easterbrook.

The end of his "Michigan" blurb:

"That's fairly disgusting. Perhaps a fitting punishment for all those subsidized wealthy twits is … Rich Rodriguez. The football gods have, after all, a sense of humor."

I understand. In the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, you've decided that Rich Rodriguez makes you mad, and thus, you're going to harp on it. We know this schtick. We've seen it before with Easterbrook refusing to let "spygate" die despite the fact that there was nothing there to see. You've railed against the Rodriguez hire from the beginning, despite overwhelming logic that the hire wasn't actually evil.

The difference, of course, between your vilifying the Patriots and you vilifying Michigan is that you're an NFL expert: not a college football expert. There are countless of other places that are much better suited to explore College Football, so you talking about it makes about as much sense as talking about hot cheerleaders and space. Zero.

What to do With a Loss

Before the Logic Poll is released, I have a bone to pick:

At the beginning of any college football season, there will be only a handful of teams who have a legitimate chance to go undefeated and guarentee a punched ticket to that National Championship game that everyone seems so hellbent on winning. Last year, among others, proved that you can indeed reach that game with a loss (or two!) but to guarantee your trip you must follow one simple rule: Win. Every Saturday.

The season began with the mighty, but oh holy hell how they've fallen. Georgia, USC, Ohio State, Florida have been erased from the top 2 - all having violated the first rule of a guaranteed Title Game appearance. Gone. Eradicated. The dream of the guaranteed trip is now out of reach, but the trip itself is still very tangible. Each team with one loss has the chance to regain that magical 2 spot, or, given the craziness we've seen recently, slip up to the 1 ranking and play a fellow rule-violater. How they accomplish that feat, however, is no longer up to them. The ranking Gods of the BCS are now at work, and their fates rest solely with algorythms and mechanics that I'm convinced nobody really understands, including the AP and Coaches - both of whom figure largely into the equation (I know that those polls are no longer included, but the various mechanics that make up the BCS still base a good portion of their reckoning on the traditional polls). Rankings, which until now - until the losses - were largely academic, now figure prominently in the actual destiny of those teams who have...well...lost.

The AP now ranks the one loss teams who were firmly within the handful of teams who could run the table as such, loss in parenthesis:

9) USC (unranked Oregon State)
11) Georgia (now #2 Alabama)
12) Florida (unranked Ole Miss)
13) Auburn (now #3 LSU)
14) Ohio State (now #9 USC)

My question is simple: Why is USC not being punished more for losing in terrific fashion to unranked Oregon State? I mean - even in the catagory of "unranked" Oregon State is probably the worst team up there on the board. Why is it that Ohio State - who lost on the road to the number 9 team in the country - is still ranked lower than Florida who lost to unranked Ole Miss at home?

Every year, there is an "insert alliterated cliche" weekend where a ton of previously top 7-ish teams get beat. That was last Saturday. Now the rankings, which until this point were largely academic, start to matter because frankly, the fact that Auburn is ahead of Ohio State could cost Ohio State a chance at the Title game in the future. Based on the "quality" of loss, the most recent poll should look more like this:

11) Georgia (now #2 Alabama)
13) Auburn (now #3 LSU)
14) Ohio State (now #9 USC)
12) Florida (unranked Ole Miss)
9) USC (unranked Oregon State)

USC should drop to the bottom, Florida should be more severely punished, Ohio State and Georgia should be moved up. I don't normally cry out about SEC bias, or that the "media hates Ohio State" but in this case, I think both Buckeyes and Bulldogs have reason to be pretty shitty at the most recent polls.

The fly in the ointment is the fact that USC beat Ohio State head to head. However, week to week results have never really mattered much, see Ole Miss' and Oregon State's absense from the rankings. Just because one team beats another on a given Saturday has never played much into final rankings - USC lost to a marginal at best football team in Oregon State. The media and coaches aren't punishing them for it, so they must still think that USC is a damn good football team. Why then, if bias against the BXI and Ohio State has nothing to do with it, are they punishing Ohio State so severly for losing on the road against a damn good football team?

I'm calling shenanagans on this whole thing...

BTB Roundtable

Roundtables. They have begun. This week, our questions are brought to us by our frenemies (upgraded from Mortal Foe) Black Heart Gold Pants. Some questions are team specific, and I will attempt to give you the rational fan's answer for each team:

Week 1's in the books. What surprised you about your team? Are you optimistic? Disappointed? (NOTE: Purdue does not apply here, so these fans must talk about Wake Forest instead)

Illinois: A Lemanless defense is not one that I care to be a part of. I am disappointed, but only because I bought into the preseason notion that Illinois was better than a 7 win ballclub.

Indiana: We only return 2 scholarship players next year? WTF? You'd better get it together Crean. Wait. Football?

Iowa: Bad: We suck at quarterback. Good: All our QB's would start for Michigan. Yeah! Dickrod! Plus it was Maine, and like, they suck.

Michigan: Sure, that first game was bad, but give it like, 3 years. We'll be better then!

Michigan State: SPARTAHHHHHohwaitwe'renotthatgood.

Minnesota: [stunned silence at victory]

Northwestern: Woo. Bring on Duke.

Ohio State: PAAAAAAAAAAAAANIC...what's that? He's not hurt that bad? Sweet. We're gonna eat you, bitches.

Penn State: [too high to respond]

Purdue: Suck it, Baylor.

Wisconsin: Jump Around. Jump Around. Jump Around.

Beanie Wells' foot is definitely the top story in the conference. What's #2?

I think there were several very interesting story lines for the conference aside from Beanie Wells' foot. First, Michigan's inneptitude on offense wasn't surprising, but uh, yeah, they suck really bad. Minnesota's win is encouraging, seeing as they have now matched their season total from last year. I thought Penn State laying 66 on whoever the hell terrible team they played was impressive. Finally, the combined failures of Michigan, Illinois, and Michigan State in the three marquee OOC games further reinforces the fact that the Big Ten is still a mediocre conference nationally.

Admit it: you loathe DickFraudROFL (né Rich Rodriguez), but when Michigan scored that last touchdown, you were rooting for them to make the 2-pt. conversion.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it: you're happy that Michigan lost because Michigan for years has represented that team that was unstoppably evil and curb stomped your team 3 out of every 4 years. However, I think what OPS is getting at here is this: Michigan '08 isn't that Michigan. In fact, they're a different Michigan than the last 50 years worth of "Michigans" have been. They're overmatched, young, small, and rather uncoordinated. Seeing this team lose to Utah shouldn't bring you joy, because it's not the same team you're used to rooting against. I am a Michigan fan; I was rooting for the conversion. Anyone who is a fan of the underdog should be rooting for Michigan this year as well; lord knows they're going to need it.

Is this weekend's slate of games actually less interesting than last week's?

Yes. By a long shot. I fully expect the Big Ten to run the table this week, barring the entire Penn State football team being dismissed by new interim head coach Jeremy Schapp.

Don't you hate pants?

Here's what I don't get about pants: why plural? Are there two pants that you put on? I mean - socks-as-plural makes sense, there are two of them. Same with "shoes." But why they hell are pants plural? Does each leg count as one "pant?" And what the hell is going on with "pair of pants?" There is NO PAIR. Fuck pants. I'm never wearing them again.

Buckeyes; Spartans; Utes; ah, heck, just about anybody: Commence Trashtalk Now

Arg, formatting issues...just click to make larger.


Image taken directly from the official merchandise store of the Michigan Wolverines: the Mden.

If you can't laugh at this you're not human. Champ, apparently, is not human.

Going Green for Memorial Day

A quick note: This post has nothing to do with college football, and nothing to do with common sense. Please disregard. If you must read, do so at your own risk; there is no lifeguard on duty.

B2

This is not meant to be a political stand - it is merely a running dialog centered around what seems to be the central issue for those who call themselves "green."

I've watched Al Gore's movie, and I've seen the scientific data backing up the notion that this planet is warming, and soon coastal cities across the United States, and only the U.S. (those other countries don't matter as much), will be underwater. This will force all the flee inland and become Big Ten fans. This is apparently inevitable, and I, for one, have reconciled it and welcome the new fans. Ironically, this seems to be Delany's master plan of gaining fans after his destruction of all things playoffs, including the words "play" and "off." I can see him laughing in his fortress as he delightedly sprays CFC's into his diabolical rose-shaped CFC dispersing machine. I digress.

The central piece of artillery that the green folks have in their arsenal is the fate of the Polar Bear. Why? Polar Bears are cute, damnit, never mind the fact that they will literally rip your face off. And due to ice caps that are turning into city-flooding water, their habitat is being slowly destroyed, and it's YOUR FAULT! In fact, Polar Bears are having to swim for miles and miles just to get to land, and having reached land are hunted by Inuits who are mistaking their appearance for a population explosion. That's a shitty description of what's happening, but read the damn article. Mother bears are being separated from their cubs, and food is becoming scarce. If you care nothing for the fate of humanity, you must care for the Polar Bear!

So I lay in my bed at night, thinking about the Polar Bears, and how genuinely saddening it is that their habitat is being destroyed because I drive more than 30 miles to get to work each day. If only I'd done something different! If only we'd all done something different. Too little, too late. Then I stumble across this picture:

Should be swimming

Aw, fuck - this is what Polar Bears are doing? Shouldn't he be swimming? I mean, really, add in a remote control, a bag of Cheetos, and some orange paws and bam: you've got my posture on any given Saturday morning in the fall (because I eat Cheetos for breakfast...). I mean really - this Polar Bear doesn't even seem too concerned that Corso's talking out of his ass again, and Fowler is nodding along encouragingly while thinking of creative ways to off himself. Ironically, this sort of dazed half-consciousness is the only way to watch College Gameday without suffering serious side effects.

and SHOULDN'T THAT POLAR BEAR BE SWIMMING?

If I'm going to feel shitty about the direction of the planet, I would rather not see the very animal that I feel shitty about lounging like life's a fucking spa. Are those other bears about to get mani's and pedi's too? Is the arctic circle just one huge fucking episode of Sex and the City? And which bear would be Carrie anyways?

Fuck that bear. I'm at work, and he's watching TV.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm about to go light a tire fire.


Have a good weekend everybody. Drink a lot, watch the race, and for God sakes, don't turn on your computer Monday. I expect you to be outside, as I will be.

Chris Carter is a big meany pants.

Not an asshole. Meanpants, but not an asshole.

There are very few blogs who manage to cross over into what many would call mainstream media, and even fewer who do so on their own terms. Mgoblog and EDSBS are the two best examples from the college football realm, but there are others - particularly in Baseball. Perhaps the most famous sports-ish blog who has jumped into mainstream without compromising the stinging commentary that acted as their diving board is Deadspin.com, and writer Will Leitch. Recently, Will has sparred on air with writer Buzz Bissinger, which actually spurred a ton of discussion and commentary on what blogs are, and how they are relevant to sports media. I would even go so far to say that the on air spat between the two (which left Buzz looking foolish) was a net gain for blogs. However, there are still those who absolutely won't accept that regular people, living regular lives, can sit behind a keyboard and reach literally thousands of people without having to be accountable to anybody except their readers. Witness Will's exchange with Chris Carter, former OSU Wide Receiver, and current ESPN analyst:

Somehow, I ended up being introduced to Cris Carter, formerly from HBO Sports (and the Minnesota Vikings) and now on ESPN. I shook his hand.

“Hello, I’m Will.”

Cris frowned, and even sneaked in a scowl. “Are you the blog guy?”

I smiled. The best way, I’ve learned, to deal with the hostility is just to smile. They’re not expecting that. I suspect they all think we look like the Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons or, more sinister, like a member of the thrash metal group GWAR. “Yes, sir, I do write a blog.”

Cris’ scowl was no longer sneaky. “You know, I got a problem with you,” the Ohio State grad said, through gritted teeth. “Some Michigan blog said I was an a–hole. Better nobody say that to my face.”

Smiling, trying to look calm, I said, “Well, sir, you know, I didn’t write that.”

Cris took a step closer to me. “You damn well better not of, ’cause if you had, I’d take you out right here.”

I smiled, again, shook his hand, and went on my way.

Will may not have wrote it, and I'm not sure which Michigan blogger wrote it, but Chris Carter needs to take a deep breath. You may not be an asshole (although evidence from this story may point otherwise), but your reaction to a blogger who has actually jumped into mainstream (meaning he's freakin' important, whether you care to admit it or not) is telling. If we're just a bunch of guys sitting around our parent's basements gaining weight between Halo 3 sessions, then why are you so threatened?

(HT: 11W)

Soapbox Time!

I don't want to get off on a rant here... but... (cue Tears for Fears)

For those who are unaware of James Hardy's existence, I can't fault you, but here's your synopsis: he was a highly talented receiver who through some sort of odd sequence of events ended up at Indiana University... set all kinds of records and was a veritable force in that offense, declared early for the draft and was picked up by the Buffalo Bills. Oh, oh yeah, and he also is a world class human being*, as exemplified by this, and oh yes, this...

Some might notice a bit of a "TREND" here... but hey, why not take a chance on this walking disaster? He's tall and can catch a football! It's stories like Hardy that aren't hard to predict, and in fact I'll go ahead and go out on a limb here and guarantee red and blue flashing lights await this individual in the near future, and it'll likely be something that'll be worse than his ol' pa deciding not to press charges despite taking a beating and being threatened with a weapon. It's mystifying how you hear things like "character issues" thrown out about players entering the draft and nobody ever makes too much of a big deal out of it... it's funny how that word covers things like "baby's momma beater" and "father beater" "threaten father with a gun in hometown" type of individual. Hey, congratulations Buffalo! He'll be a tremendous addition to your squad!

Come on over guys and check out my crib!!!

It just amazes me that somewhere, someone is willing to pay an epic failure of a person like Hardy MILLIONS OF DOLLARS despite every piece of evidence that states this guy is destined for a number on his back that is damn sure going to be longer than two digits... it's this portion of sports that causes me to frown as a fan. Where are people's backbones? Integrity? Where's the ability to tell some sleeze-bag like this to go ahead and pull it out his own ass? Sorry James, you sure have all the physical tools, but you're a complete dumbass, we're going to look elsewhere.

The saddest part is that I have literally zero doubt in my mind that this kid will be a colossal problem and likely end up literally hurting someone in the process. In fact, take it to the bank and lock it up, and go ahead and remember I said so when everyone gets "stunned" by the most recent act of violence by a professional athlete.

*Or a complete low-life scum sucking failure who will no doubt be involved in some sort of heinous violent act against a family member or loved one within the next 3 years... you know, whatever works better for you.

Rant off.

Zoot's Symphony

Zoot's got something for us today; Spreadin' like Butter returns tomorrow.


(A quick note from Beauford)
I love Ohio State's Fan enthusiasm. This was actually dictated from a recorded conversation that Zoot and I recently had. It started as a normal conversation. You know - exchanging ideas, going back and forth, etc. I distinctly remember that something - probably the fact that I was actually having a sane conversation with a Buckeye - made me turn on the recorder. Perhaps divine intervention, because seconds later, this symphony came from Zoot.


I don't just say symphony to be funny - it had everything: crescendo's going from pianissimo to forte, tempo changes, even metric changes. It was beautiful. It started slow, building to the Charlie Weis fiasco...then back to controlled rage...only to build back to the bowl game home game stuff...back to barely suppressed unadulterated hatred...and culminating with the Fortissimo: "Fuck Off!"

Zoot immediately left the room for more water, sweating profusely. Beethoven would be proud.

Enjoy from Zoot, as transcribed by Beauford Bixel from the recording of a conversation 2/20/08. All parenthetical statements were said as an "aside" as if speaking as someone else - perhaps the rational part of his soul:


So can anyone fully explain to me the hatred from college football fans aimed collectively at Ohio State these past two years? I have my own ideas and can understand some of it but I also think that most of it is unjustified. I mean there are some schools that you hate just because they can pull in top recruits and are always winning and you’re just jealous. Notre Dame would like to claim that but I personally hate them for being Irish. That’s just a side note. I really dislike ND for thinking they matter more than any other school simply because of their past. NBC has such a limited sports lineup these days that it is clinging to scraps thrown at it from a team that went 3-9 last year and hasn’t won a bowl game since 1994. Charlie Weis is the most conceited fat son of a bitch I have seen on TV since Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Being obese, he realized he needed to do something about it and went for bariatric surgery. When it didn’t work out and there were complications (which is common knowledge and doctors always advise about), he sued the docs. When he lost the suit, he had the gall to send a letter to Notre Dame alums bitching about it.

But I digress, back to OSU. I understand they have not met expectations set in the past two years. But who sets these expectations? The god damned media assholes decided two years ago that OSU and Michigan were 1 and 2 and labeled their match up the greatest game of the century even before anyone stepped on to the grass. It was a great game but nothing like Michigan and Florida this year or Texas and USC a few years back. After the disappointing losses during the bowl games, the media was left looking like idiots (which I think was an accurate representation). So OSU had a bad game against Florida, they didn’t step up. The Gators definitely came out stronger and deserved the win. But was it necessary for every fucking announcer and commentator to rip apart the season and the program because they had a bad game. So the next year, everyone discounts OSU and when they get to the championships, everyone expects them to lose again. This time, the media hedges and says they will be blown out. Blogs everywhere decry the rankings as blasphemous. While they didn’t win against LSU, the Buckeyes also didn’t roll over and play dead. They were in the game but LSU made the plays it needed. It has been extremely annoying to hear about people bitch that the Big 10 is weak and mention OSU’s two losses. They seem to forget that all the games are held in the south and west coast where it becomes a fucking home game for the SEC and Pac-10. They don’t mention the losses that SEC teams had to Big-10, only the wins. Its pretty one sided.

Spectators whine that the Buckeye’s had an easy schedule. They seem to have forgotten that OSU is one of the few schools in the country with the balls to schedule a top 10 team to play during the non-conference schedule. In the past six years, they have played NC State (when they were good), Washington State (when they were good), and Texas, one away and once at home with each team. They had Washington (which is sucking) this past year which was schedule a few years back when the Huskies were respectable. They are playing USC twice in the next couple of years and are having talks with Oklahoma as well. So I don’t buy the soft schedule bit. So what is really behind this hatred. We are not like the Patriots, we’re not cheaters. We play hard and don’t take for granted what we get. Fuck off!

The Bitch is Back - and his Name's Gregg Doyle

Gregg Doyle is an idiot. This, to anyone who has the intestinal fortitude (and it takes a lot) to get through his columns on a regular basis, is not a surprise – nor is it news. You see, Gregg Doyle engages consistently in what the mzone so aptly calls Annoyance Journalism. That is to say that the columnist, radio host, etc. writes whatever he thinks will get the largest reaction, and thus, the largest number of hits on his company’s website. Today’s gem from Doyle can be found here, although I discourage you from clicking on it, partly because of the conundrum of increased hits = success for these douchebags, but mostly because after reading it you’ll want to wash your mouth out with cat poop just to extinguish the flavor.

Moronically titled “I may be a week late but wow, recruiting is an ugly mess,” the column goes on to attack (surprise!) the two programs with the largest fanbases in the Big Ten. He opens with the fact that recruiting is nasty business (no shit), but it’s necessary nasty business (also no shit). He expands on this riveting thesis thus:

New Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez ran amok, running four verbal commitments through his shredder as he stole recruits from Penn State, Purdue, Florida and Cincinnati. Purdue coach Joe Tiller seemed especially peeved, calling Rodriguez "a guy in a wizard hat selling snake oil." The late additions gave Michigan one of the best, and one of the most cut-throat, recruiting classes in the country. Great recruiting classes require a little bit of figurative throat-cutting, but this was especially brutal.

How brutal? Rodriguez out-slimed the slimiest coach in college football, Arkansas' Bobby Petrino, who got up to speed at his latest school by swiping three previously committed players, including one from Southern Cal, another from Texas Tech and a third from little bitty Troy. Because he could.

Hide the Children! Rodriguez is running amok! Visions of a giant Coach Rodriguez going Cloverfield on the campuses of Penn State and Purdue make me giggle a bit, as does the completely outdated “shredder” jab, but once we get to the meat of his point, the giggling subsides. Rodriguez out-slimed the slimiest coach in college football? Wow – harsh statement. How did he accomplish that? Simple. He recruited for Michigan when he became the Michigan head coach. Despite Joe Tiller’s (who raided Michigan State in '03, stealing a verbal, BTW) quivering Mustached claims, Rich Rodriguez is guilty of...recruiting. Hell, Gregg, you said it yourself – recruiting is a necessary evil. Here’s a tip from somebody not paid to write: don’t open your column by stating a fact that directly contradicts what you’re about to write. Brian at mgoblog has extensively covered the fact that every single coach steals verbals, so I’m not going to go over the list. Gregg continues:

Lots of you -- lots of you Michigan and Arkansas fans, I'm guessing -- will tell me that schools all over the country continue to recruit players who are committed elsewhere right up until signing day, and of course you're right. But Michigan landed four. Arkansas took three. At some point, no matter how jaded you are or how deeply you love your Wolverines or Razorbacks, don't you have to wince at such thievery? Just a little?

Ok great – so he admits that every school goes after commits right up to signing day, then lynches Michigan and Arkansas for being more successful at it than others. That’s like saying “Come on Michigan, can’t you just be nice and let Michigan State win every now and again?” Newsflash Gregg, this is SPORTS, and it’s meant to be a COMPETITION. Don’t get your panties twisted over the fact that two schools seem to do it better than the others. Had Joe Tiller’s Mustache been able to land a 4 star receiver that had committed to Michigan, you’d bet your boilermaking heart he’d do it in a second. But he couldn’t, which is why Purdue continues to be a middling program in the Big Ten. Hell, he’s skewering Michigan and Arkansas for getting the participation award. You know, the one everybody gets in gym class? Everybody participated, it’s just that Michigan and Arkansas did it better. You’re crucifying them for that?

Having run Michigan through the wringer, he turns his attention to Ohio State, because they have tons of people who will click the link too - not for insightful commentary, mind you, but for annoyance journalism. He summarizes a Cincinnatti Enquirer article like so:

1. On signing day, the story at the bottom right of the sports front page noted that OSU football coach Jim Tressel had signed the best receiver out of Cincinnati, DeVier Posey of La Salle High School.

2. On the same day, at the bottom left of that same page, a story noted that La Salle High was offering a school fund-raiser called "An Evening with Ohio State Coach Jim Tressel" on March 5. Tickets range from $60 for drinks and dinner to $175, which includes a photo op with Tressel as well as a football signed by the OSU coach.

3. Connect those dots. Tressel had never signed a player from La Salle until he got Posey. Likewise, Tressel has never donated an evening of his time to help raise money for La Salle until this year. And the "Evening with Jim Tressel" wasn't announced in the local newspaper until the day after Posey signed. Why? This is just a guess, but it's a good guess: If Posey had backed out of his commitment to Ohio State, Tressel wasn't going to have an evening with La Salle.

Right Gregg, because these things are never planned in advance. Jim Tressel knows the hand that feeds him is Ohio High School Football. He knows this because he’s spent his entire life coaching in the state. More than any coach I know, he strokes that hand by giving speeches, going to benefit dinners, and generally being one of the most visible coaches in the nation. And it works! You won’t find a single Ohio high school coach who speaks poorly of Jim Tressel. And guess where those coaches send their D-1 talent? You want to connect the dots, Gregg, connect them like this: Benefit dinners and good relationships = top notch Ohio meat to Ohio State. You are, just like you did with Michigan, accusing Jim Tressel of playing the game better than his peers.

Michigan and Ohio State routinely compete for the Big Ten title, and National Championships. They are able to do this because they are better than the rest in every facet of the game, and that includes recruiting. You want to know why the Colts and Patriots are perennially contenders? Look at the front office. You want to know why Michigan and Ohio State are perennially contenders? Look at how they operate in the off season. These two schools out recruit, and out play the competition. Gregg wants to lynch them for it, when he should be congratulating them. So a big congratulations to you, Gregg. You’ve been linked in countless message boards, and countless blogs including this one. But instead of the linkage being for insightful content, it’s for baseless and stupid inflammatory drivel. You, sir, are an idiot.

Why can't you just do what this guys tells you to?


(ht mzone)

Penn State builds glass stadium - will offer free rocks to first 100,000 through the gates

Penn State hasn't beaten Michigan since joining the Big Ten

Dear Penn State fans and Joe Tiller,

Champ just wanted to write you folks to extend the deepest, most sincere "fuck off" that I could manage to cultivate from the depths of my soul [ed: and that is one deep, dark, dank, and any other descriptive D word that fits the alliteration's soul]. No seriously, one more time..boom - right in your collective grill, I hope that’s good and clear enough for you. It’s always rich when two perennial losers to Michigan and two of the most vocally whining groups in the conference get their panties in a collective bunch over a complete non-issue, but recent developments are simply too much for me to take. Take your ball and go home to cry to mommy gentlemen, you simply didn’t make the cut. Quit falsifying information, quit making things up just to get angry about them like a 13 year old emo girl, buck up, and shut up. Allow me to address the Penn State faithful first.

Here’s exactly what these two parties are upset about: two high school teammates (first clue dumbasses) of an already verbally committed Michigan recruit were offered and decided to come to Ann Arbor late in the recruiting game. This is a stunning development in Happy Valley and in West Lafayette because their fans suddenly would have you believe that their recruiting is carried about in the same way 18th century tennis matches are played, with nothing but honor and decorum, why would I rip a backhand winner at the dear old chap when that would cause him to not only move, but likely perspire? Penn State fans call Michigan fans elitist, and in the same breath turn around and claim that their superior program would never stoop to such a level... this from the same program that yoinked Anthony Morelli (great get guys) out from under Pitt’s nose. Of course, that snake-in-the-grass cheater Lloyd Carr managed to have Chad Henne commit to Michigan despite his prior verbal to Penn State. The single most hilarious thing here is that no such “stooping” occurred. What happened is in no way, shape, or form a violation of ANY rule. Penn State fans are mad at Michigan and Rich Rodriguez for OUT RECRUITING THEM. They channel this anger into accusations based upon a speculated “unwritten rule” that was referenced by Joe Tiller… you’ve got to be kidding me, no seriously, you’ve got to be kidding me.

I don’t have much to say about Buckeye fans, but I will give them this: When they were going through their streak of losses in “THE GAME”, at least they had the wherewithal to recognize that the problems were on their side of the fence and not look for every possible lame-duck scape-goat pathetically sniveling type of excuse they could get their hands on. They took their losses like men, and they let their own program hear about it...as God intended. Penn State fans should take note.

Here’s a question: Let’s just say that Joe Recruit, a standout running back, is trying to decide where to attend school next fall. He’s been recruited heavily by Penn State and not received much attention from another large program that we’ll call Michigan. Suddenly, Michigan has a coaching shake-up, and now you have offers coming down the pipe from both schools. What is going to make Penn State more attractive, particularly to a running back? Let’s see, I’m a high-profile running back / athlete, and I’ve been offered by Michigan who cranks these types of players out left and right and now will be utilizing an offense that I will feature prominently in. Orrrrrrrrr I could head to Happy Valley, where everyone bitches about the offense, the general lack of involvement of playmakers, and current nesting place of a coach who may or may not be the head coach 3 years down the road. Penn State is where recruits like Derrick Williams go to die, but hey I’m sure that had nothing to do with the young man’s thought process. Let’s add in the fact that his former teammates are jumping on board in Ann Arbor, and well gosh dang that probably paints a pretty attractive picture now then don’t it?

Well not if you’re a member of the Penn State stitch and bitch club! For them what logically happened was that the snake-in-the-grass-wizard-hat-wearing bastard Rich Rodriguez went in and did something dirty and most-likely-cheating-in-nature… because that’s the only way Penn State loses… you know… is if others cheat. Congratulations Penn State fans, you’ve managed to jump the shark. Again. You’ve spent your credibility to the point that not only does nobody care about what you’re bitching about, but now you’re just digging yourselves a bigger and bigger hole. The saddest part of this is that the Penn State fans that Champ knows would NEVER act like their internet and far more vocal (yet somehow snively and high pitched) brethren. These types of Nittany Lion faithful are the ones who have to search for reasons to vent their frustration at the fact that for the last 11 years (9 games) Michigan has bettered them on the gridiron.

The very argument that there is some sort of “gentleman’s agreement” in the Big 10, and furthermore that Purdue and Penn State both uphold this so-called “agreement” to the absolute highest of standards is flat out laughable. Let me say it again: LAUGHABLE. I absolutely LOVE the notion that Nittany Lion fans are trying to take potshots at Michigan fans by giving out Nostradamus like predictions of Rodriguez (of course, they of such high integrity must butcher his name into some sort of slanderous yet wholly uncreative phallic reference) being a total scumbag and look at what we’ve become type of garbage. They make vague references to “patterns of behavior” of which they can reliably reference exactly ZERO sources and can reference exactly ZERO instances of such behavior that would qualify for anything beyond hearsay. Because Rodriguez now sports a block M on his cap, he’s a scumbag. The inferiority complex isn’t quite as becoming as you folks might deign think it to be. There’s “two patterns” of behavior I’ve noticed:

1. Penn State fans crying about anything and everything, claiming moral high ground while they pelt opposing fans with beer cans (and laugh about it) and their players beat people senselessly on university property and are punished by... cleaning the stadium for an hour or two on Sundays.

2. 9 straight losses to Michigan and an inability to deal with it

Newsflash Blue and White crybabies: until a player declares his commitment with a SIGNATURE ON HIS LETTER OF INTENT, he is not committed to any school. Michigan fans are well aware of this fact of life, having lost Ronald Johnson, Jai Eugene, and Jeremy Finch all in the exact same manner. Where the two paths differ of course is that Michigan fans somehow managed to compose themselves and move on with it. Guess what, Rodriguez coming in with exactly one month to go in the recruiting process was going to definitely shake things up. Recruits who hadn’t previously been offered by Michigan or hadn’t previously considered Michigan now had new options to weigh, and in some cases, offers that hadn’t previously been there from a school and a program that DWARFS that of both Penn State and Purdue. Somehow, I’m not exactly stunned that the high school teammates all decided to go on to spend their college careers in Ann Arbor with a new offensive system that will feature their talents more than either of the other two programs in question could. But hey, let’s not let little things like facts, reason, and logic get in the way of a good sobfest shall we?

What kicks this whole situation up to the next level though is Joe Tiller’s involvement. Yes, that Joe Tiller. Even better still are Penn State fans quoting Joe Tiller as a source of proof of previously mentioned double super secret “unspoken agreement”. Uh-huh, Joe Tiller, paragon of virtue and class. Same Joe Tiller who found himself down 42-7 in Ann Arbor this year and was calling timeouts and onside kicks with under two minutes to go. Same chap who runs to the press to slam Michigan anonymously... right... classy guy, and a reliable source, who is being forced out after next season (I’m sure that didn’t play a role either). Anything Joe says was most assuredly written on stone tablets by God himself and brought down to the mustachioed one. Joe Tiller is crying because a receiver, who ALSO was a high-school teammate of the others mentioned here, decided to go to Michigan over Purdue. I see no need to elaborate further on that argument. Receiver. Michigan. Purdue. Yep, that about does it really.

500 demerits to Penn State fans, 50 demerits to Tiller, who saves himself beaucoup points by using “Wizard Hat” as a derogatory comment and from being a complete nonfactor in the recruiting game in the first place.